Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
You do not have ownership over other people's behavior! They have no inherent obligation to you, and you have no right to demand they behave differently than they want to. You *can* create boundaries around you own behavior - e.g. "if you make me feel bad, I'll leave"
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Other people's right to their behavior does *not* extend to violating other people's rights to theirs; as in, people do not have the right to sexually assault you. Your property, your bodily autonomy, these basic things all 'protected classes' in my eyes. But besides this:
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Your pain is your responsibility, it is created by you, owned by you. Because it's your responsibility, it's also your *right* - you have an unquestionable right to it, it is inherently valid, and nobody can tell you you shouldn't have it.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Other people's pain is *their* responsibility, created by them. You're not responsible for it. But it's also their right, their pain is inherently valid, you can't tell them they shouldn't have it. Both of you can decide to *not engage* - to leave the room, break up, walk away
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I dislike norms where, if one person hurts another, the expectation is the first person immediately apologize, as though they've made a great error or violated some obligation. No, they don't have to. You don't have a right to their behavior, they're not responsible for your pain
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
It's okay to let the person know you are hurt, and to take steps to prevent them from hurting you again, no matter how trivial it might feel to you. But "yelling at them until they apologize to you" is *controlling their behavior, not yours.* Your pain is your responsibility.
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