You do not have ownership over other people's behavior! They have no inherent obligation to you, and you have no right to demand they behave differently than they want to.
You *can* create boundaries around you own behavior - e.g. "if you make me feel bad, I'll leave"
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Other people's right to their behavior does *not* extend to violating other people's rights to theirs; as in, people do not have the right to sexually assault you. Your property, your bodily autonomy, these basic things all 'protected classes' in my eyes.
But besides this:
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Your pain is your responsibility, it is created by you, owned by you. Because it's your responsibility, it's also your *right* - you have an unquestionable right to it, it is inherently valid, and nobody can tell you you shouldn't have it.
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Other people's pain is *their* responsibility, created by them. You're not responsible for it. But it's also their right, their pain is inherently valid, you can't tell them they shouldn't have it.
Both of you can decide to *not engage* - to leave the room, break up, walk away
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I dislike norms where, if one person hurts another, the expectation is the first person immediately apologize, as though they've made a great error or violated some obligation. No, they don't have to. You don't have a right to their behavior, they're not responsible for your pain
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It's okay to let the person know you are hurt, and to take steps to prevent them from hurting you again, no matter how trivial it might feel to you. But "yelling at them until they apologize to you" is *controlling their behavior, not yours.* Your pain is your responsibility.
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This conditional framing is so much healthier than the other common frame, which seems to trick its user into being blind to their own bullying behaviors
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I don't know if I disagree, but why Isn't this self-contradictory? So long as the other party has the opportunity to leave, why doesn't making demands fit into the category of personal behaviour under this view?
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Every political theory—including libertarianism—is based on the idea that there are inherent obligations. For libertarians, you have the obligation to respect others autonomy so long as they respect yours.
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This assumes relationships are all 1:1? Suppose you live in a 1950s town. Bob, the racist local store owner, treats black customers like crap. If one black person doesn't shop there, that is very costly to them, but not costly to Bob (one customer out of thousands)
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