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Aella
@Aella_Girl
hope u never have two kids
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Richard Ngo
@RichardMCNgo
Imo the best argument against polyamory, which I've seldom heard, is not about love or sex, but rather commitment. You can't have two top priorities, and I'd guess returns to more commitment and psychological safety remain very high well past the point most relationships reach.
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Richard Ngo
@RichardMCNgo
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Best argument ≠ knock-down argument. This one seems better than standard "you can't love two people", etc, but there are reasons not to fully buy it (as we both point out). Genuinely curious what you'd say the best argument against choosing polyamory is.
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Richard Ngo
@RichardMCNgo
Overall I still feel pretty uncertain what relationship style is best for people similar to me. By nature I'm the sort of person for whom aiming at the best possible outcome feels very compelling, and most risks don't. But it'll likely depend on my eventual (primary) partner.
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Richard Ngo
@RichardMCNgo
Replying to
@RichardMCNgo
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@Aella_Girl
I'm pretty confused about the kid thing. Intuitively, having a 2nd kid doesn't reduce commitment to 1st much. But kids do often get jealous! I wonder how much sibling rivalry/fighting is driven by competition for parents. Either way, seems much better than not being born.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@RichardMCNgo
yeah, and often multiple partners get jealous. My point here is just literally a commitment one though; not saying there's not other difficulties, but people very easily *can* be committed to 2 others and we see this happen constantly.
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Richard Ngo
@RichardMCNgo
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
The question is what decrease in commitment to A a marginal increase in commitment to B causes. Eg consider having kids, moving cities, buying houses together (note: things kids seldom get a say in). Even smallish commitments to B might make planning these with A much harder.
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