I wonder, if there's a part of me that is afraid to do things because it's afraid of getting hurt, what possible healing trajectories are there?
I've kind of been working off of the assumption that I could just kind of "feel all that pain" or something, and then not be afraid...
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...of getting hurt anymore and then just do whatever.
But now I wonder if that assumption is true.. Maybe things won't play out like that. Maybe to some extent, that will help/work
But maybe the world _is_ scary and getting hurt will always be scary to some degree
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(or maybe the pain that part is carrying is incredibly deep and "feeling it and moving on" isn't in the cards for the short term.)
So I'm kind of opening my mind to other ways this may play out..
Maybe for example there are other capacities I could build, like:
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- getting stronger
- being able to comfort the hurt and take inspired action anyway
e.g.e.g
I don't know I don't know
But I have been noticing that I've been carrying with me for a while a lot of assumptions around what healing looks like / how it takes place.
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Often these assumptions are clean/absolutist: get rid of this pain, forever, and move on. Solve that thing, entirely, and move on.
But lately I've been wondering how/if those assumptions might not be quite right, especially in the short to medium term. And how solutions...
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...may need to be improvised, creative, dynamic, relational, ...imperfect..., "hacky" (?)
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And, like, maybe long-term, clean solves are ultimately possibly (a la ). But maybe in some cases they're gosh darn hard, and to live a good life in the meantime will require something else.
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I think for many years I've kind of scoffed at people who haven't solved their pain entirely and for good. Who seem to be putting up with things year after year, and hae kind of 'settled' for imperfect, hacky solutions and setups.
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fwiw, my personal experience with this, is that i did not get the pain to stop, it did not go away, but that my relationship to it changed and i carry it gladly now. it's now 'infinitely tolerable'.
(not sayin this is the answer for you, just sharing one data point here)