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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I think sex work changed my relationship to my appearance without me noticing: a thread Pre sex work, I cared very little about my appearance. My mom picked out all my clothes to buy till I was 16 or so; I wore minimal/rare makeup, looking hot wasnt something i thought much of 1/
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Chana
@ChanaMessinger
When I was young, I lost things all the time. I much more rarely do now, but I spend all this time being unhappy with myself or buying backups based on the assumption that I probably have, only to find that all is well. Does anyone else have a self image that hasn't caught up?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I started sex work when I was 20; over the years, caring about my appearance became really important for work. I put a *huge* amount of effort into it, cause it was absolutely crucial for my income levels. This entire time, I viewed the care as "sex work specific"
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
As in; I figured "being hot" was an overlay onto my natural, not-caring-about-appearance default, and independent of sex work I wouldn't care much anymore. I think this started out true! But nearly a decade in and I think it's fused with me.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I don't know when it happened, it was slow, but somewhere along the way it wasn't just sex-worker-aella-care, it was actual aella care. I'm a little surprised by it. I do think this was caused by sex work, as in if I had never done it I think I'd be less appearance-oriented now.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
But here I am, someone who puts a lot of attention into her appearance, and... it's really weird to realize that this is me now, not the overlay I'd passively assumed it was for years. I don't mind it! It's got pros and cons and ultimately balances out to 'neutral' for me
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Yhufir
@Yhufir
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Habits are what make us individuals. Weirdly. Our actions define us. You weren't the "type of person" to do these things. Then you did them long enough that, even if you hated every moment of it, you were that type of person. Question is whether you rely on external validation.