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My date-me experiment round has drawn to a bittersweet close. I feel pretty pessimistic about the idea of finding someone to date who I'm excited about. Any suggestions on how to increase the chances of meeting people I'd romantically like?

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Reverse your selection criteria for the data from your survey, see what happens.

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My selection criteria was *awesome*, actually; it selected a really amazing dude and we were *so close* to being right for each other. This is already leagues above what i've been encountering elsewhere.

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More serious answer: I opened the survey out of curiosity. When I saw that the very first question was asking me how much I earned, I proceeded to close the survey.

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Signaling that money is your #1 criteria is a turnoff for decent guys. It could just be a “decoy” question, but same consequence. I may not be a good fit, but some other guy who is may have closed the survey due to this — even if it's not actually that important to you.

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I absolutely put that question early on to turn off people who feel turned off by something like that; selecting for cold culture here

knowingless.com

Cold and Warm Cultures

Maybe a term for this dichotamy already exists elsewhere, but I haven’t heard it yet and have found my own term for it super useful, so here we go: Cold Culture examples Highly efficient in s…

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Interestingly I'm definitely leaning towards cold culture. Being turned off by money being too much of an important criteria can def come from an utilitarian PoV.

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If you dump me when/if I lose my job (which is when I'll need you the most), then I retrospectively don't want to invest in that relationship. Kind of like I won't pay for an insurance that vanishes when I have an accident.

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Are you confident that this question is really selecting for the thing you think it does?

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it's selecting against people who feel insecure that they might get dumped if they made less money

4:41 AM · Dec 15, 2021

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Good point.

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It seems like you engineered the survey to lead a certain way ahead of getting any responses - which is great for finding the thing you think you want... but how would anyone surprise you in that system?