how is it possible to feel both like a complete genius and an absolute retardo in the span of 48 hours? my "self image" program feels like it's drag racing through different realities how do I slow it down
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It just means you're both sharing expertise that you have (feeling like a genius), and also learning new things that are difficult (feeling less genius-y).
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Your self-image program probably has different stable attractors / local minima and switching from one to the other is partly due to random noise (not sound, random brain pattern noise) and partly external factors. Manic depression is likely an exaggerated form of the same thing.
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Not sure how to stop the switch from happening in the first place, but the next question is how to get out of a bad one. Different external stimulus can help — doesn’t have to be related to your “problem” – just distract yourself.
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I realize that just because there is a rollercoaster available I don't have to ride it. Can choose to be placid
And I guess affectively I'm pretty suspicious of positive feelings about myself, bug / feature.
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My outlook/feeling of self worth fluctuates throughout the day
In the morning I feel like anything is possible and in the evening I feel like everything is going to absolute shit
I don't know if it's normal, but it's made life a lot easier working with it
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48 hours? I can sometimes manage that in thirty minutes!
(Being serious, mindfulness has helped me calm that reaction cycle down a lot.)
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