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I'd allow myself to get stabbed in a nonvital location in the body in exchange for an expert book on how to navigate tricky community situations like one person asking you to disinvite someone else or how to make decisions around community exclusion based on grey area evidence

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Here is my take from several years ago. It mostly holds up

livingwithinreason.com

The Importance of Genuine Accountability

In our communities, conflicts happen. It’s inevitable. How we deal with those conflicts generally determines what kind of community we’re going to have, and what kind of behaviors we…

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and

The first step is always to ask both parties what happened. The dispute often isn't factual, it's interpretive, and you can do your own interpretation

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Not always so obvious! Lots of times an accusing party doesn't want to make it known that they're accusing, for a wide variety of reasons sometimes including fear for their own safety.

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Those cases are harder, but my rule is always that I'm not going to take action against someone if I'm not allowed to get their side of the story. Secrecy or accountability. Can't have both.

Aella

@Aella_Girl

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@wfenza

This generally sounds like a great principle, but I can think of at least one specific instance where this would have ended really poorly

4:07 AM · Nov 15, 2021

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I can think of many! But if you're only getting one side, you can't distinguish between the two types of situations, and I think this principle hurts fewer ppl and creates a better environment