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To be clear, my point is not that monog relationships create more explosions than poly ones, only that there's a double standard for ascribing blame to the relationship structure. When a poly relationship fails, ppl blame polyamory; when a monog fails, they blame everything else.

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Nov 2, 2021

Ppl be like "your poly relationship exploded because of the polyamory" but be like "my monog relationship exploded because we couldn't fully meet each others needs and one of us cheated but its definitely not the monogamy"

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Nov 3, 2021

If someone blamed polyamory as the problem for a relationship failure and also blamed monogamy for a relationship failure, or if they didn't blame the structure for either failure at all, I would be way more down.

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I’m sure there are people placing blame in an inconsistent manner, but logistically speaking — evaluating JUST the structure and not people’s ability to communicate effectively — polyamory does come with more challenges. It doesn’t make sense to deny this.

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I could easily imagine me saying this about monogamy in a polygamous world, where the default is multiple wives and monogamy is real weird/niche/strange and someone is like well monogamy does come with more challenges, you can't deny this

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and

my point being "more challenges" might be more visible with whatever relationship is unique, and come more from the lack of social understanding and how much learning and deviance from the norm that people have to do. The default is always less complicated.

7:04 PM · Nov 3, 2021

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I’m curious what you imagine those challenges to look like in the hypothetical reversed context. I’m thinking mostly about the coordination/time problem here wrt concrete challenges faced in one situation but not in the other. A different norm doesn’t alter this.

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and

Could it be simply that a poly relationship has more people involved and people are very difficult creatures? In this context, a poly relationship is by default "harder" simply because there are more variables to balance? Not a value judgement, just a thought.