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To be clear, my point is not that monog relationships create more explosions than poly ones, only that there's a double standard for ascribing blame to the relationship structure. When a poly relationship fails, ppl blame polyamory; when a monog fails, they blame everything else.

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Nov 2, 2021

Ppl be like "your poly relationship exploded because of the polyamory" but be like "my monog relationship exploded because we couldn't fully meet each others needs and one of us cheated but its definitely not the monogamy"

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

If someone blamed polyamory as the problem for a relationship failure and also blamed monogamy for a relationship failure, or if they didn't blame the structure for either failure at all, I would be way more down.

5:01 PM · Nov 3, 2021

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I’m sure there are people placing blame in an inconsistent manner, but logistically speaking — evaluating JUST the structure and not people’s ability to communicate effectively — polyamory does come with more challenges. It doesn’t make sense to deny this.

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I could easily imagine me saying this about monogamy in a polygamous world, where the default is multiple wives and monogamy is real weird/niche/strange and someone is like well monogamy does come with more challenges, you can't deny this

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🙌

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Relationships are the cause of relationship failure... Damnit...

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But if we apply the principle "in situations where causality is complicated, focus on the thing over which you have most control"... you have much more control over the structure of relationships you pursue than the misforutions or personal flaws that kill relationships.

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I think it's just natural to blame the rare and salient property. You see this all the time with biographies where it focuses on some unique rare characteristic to explain success, when it's mostly likely some boring combination of smart+hard working+lucky.