If you're in a community with a dude that acts real sus towards women, the only options are a) kick him out or b) keep it hush. This sets up a bad binary; what if the dude isn't *quite* sus enough to justify the extremeness of kicking? What if he provides huge value elsewhere? 1/
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If a dude doesn't manage to be egregious enough, have a weak enough social network, or provides too much value, it's hard to trigger the KICK HIM OUT, which leaves us with b) KEEP IT HUSH. I sorta want an option c) LET HIM STAY BUT ALSO BE PUBLIC ABOUT THE SUS BEHAVIOR
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A version of c kinda exists with whisper networks, when you join a community and someone takes you aside at a party after they see you talking to Joe and goes 'haha yeah he's nice but be careful with him, Bethany reported he xyz'd her last year'
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But this doesn't really work with public communities, like corporations or political movements. If you got a dude being sus towards women, you can't announce loudly "This dude is sus, but not enough to trigger kicking out, and he provides lots of value so he's staying'
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No, you either have to take the extreme option or keep it totally hush, and then when finally it ends up blowing up people are like why were you suppressing this, but the answer is 'cause the only other option felt more extreme than warranted'
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Replying to @Aella_Girl
Can’t you attempt to communicate with said dude, to understand the root of his issues? Help correct him and integrate him into what the group seems as acceptable expression? People can change.
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Replying to @Flareableguy123 @Aella_Girl
This takes effort on your part, or the groups part. But compassion does work. I’ve personally pulled a friend to the side to hold him accountable of behavior he didn’t even notice himself. It was uncomfortable at first but he ended up changing and thanked me later.
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Replying to @Flareableguy123 @Aella_Girl
what girls deep “creepy” is based on perspective that is shaped by chemicals, environmental influences and attractiveness to the man. Guy will pursue and may not realize the girl isn’t interested. This is of course a lack of social skills and communication will help him develop
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Replying to @Flareableguy123 @Aella_Girl
I’m sure you’ve been in situations where you’ve made made men feel the male equivalent of creeped out and simple communication could help. Is it easy? Nope. But doing hard things makes the world better
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Replying to @Flareableguy123
I think this is often an option, and also often not. There's a trope of a girl rejecting a man, and then the man asks why, she explains why, and then he challenges her explanation. Her attempt to communicate gets turned into a defense/debate.
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I don't think this always happens - I've seen people take it real well! - but very often ppl who are exhibiting problems also have issues resolving those problems, and frequently you (espec. women) can sort of tell if 'trying to help' them will only backfire.
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Replying to @Aella_Girl
That’s a good point. I think it worked well in my situation because I was a third party, and not the focus. This is just where good community comes into to play. And I do understand what you’re saying, sometimes communication is not an option. I just feel it should be attempted
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