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If you're in a community with a dude that acts real sus towards women, the only options are a) kick him out or b) keep it hush. This sets up a bad binary; what if the dude isn't *quite* sus enough to justify the extremeness of kicking? What if he provides huge value elsewhere? 1/

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If a dude doesn't manage to be egregious enough, have a weak enough social network, or provides too much value, it's hard to trigger the KICK HIM OUT, which leaves us with b) KEEP IT HUSH. I sorta want an option c) LET HIM STAY BUT ALSO BE PUBLIC ABOUT THE SUS BEHAVIOR

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A version of c kinda exists with whisper networks, when you join a community and someone takes you aside at a party after they see you talking to Joe and goes 'haha yeah he's nice but be careful with him, Bethany reported he xyz'd her last year'

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But this doesn't really work with public communities, like corporations or political movements. If you got a dude being sus towards women, you can't announce loudly "This dude is sus, but not enough to trigger kicking out, and he provides lots of value so he's staying'

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No, you either have to take the extreme option or keep it totally hush, and then when finally it ends up blowing up people are like why were you suppressing this, but the answer is 'cause the only other option felt more extreme than warranted'

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Replying to

@Flareableguy123

I think this is often an option, and also often not. There's a trope of a girl rejecting a man, and then the man asks why, she explains why, and then he challenges her explanation. Her attempt to communicate gets turned into a defense/debate.

9:49 PM · Sep 6, 2021

Replying to

and

@Flareableguy123

I don't think this always happens - I've seen people take it real well! - but very often ppl who are exhibiting problems also have issues resolving those problems, and frequently you (espec. women) can sort of tell if 'trying to help' them will only backfire.

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