If you're in a community with a dude that acts real sus towards women, the only options are a) kick him out or b) keep it hush. This sets up a bad binary; what if the dude isn't *quite* sus enough to justify the extremeness of kicking? What if he provides huge value elsewhere? 1/
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I've seen this play out so many times Worked with a guy who was very high level at my firm and it was very quiet common knowledge that they had settled sexual harassment cases for him on three different occasions Only spoken of by women, to each other, at social functions
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Can we get an example of a repeated suspect behavior that would be borderline punishable? I have a hard time imagining anything but either-or, at the moment.
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I wonder how much of this shitty binary boils down to self-doubt. ‘if nobody is speaking about this, I guess we’ve decided it’s OK, someone knows more than me and decided he’s harmless enough.’ no talk > presumed safety > new observers less inclined to talk
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Can’t you attempt to communicate with said dude, to understand the root of his issues? Help correct him and integrate him into what the group seems as acceptable expression? People can change.
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This takes effort on your part, or the groups part. But compassion does work. I’ve personally pulled a friend to the side to hold him accountable of behavior he didn’t even notice himself. It was uncomfortable at first but he ended up changing and thanked me later.
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100%. Same applies to domestic abusers. If there were an option between implicit acceptance and complete moral condemnation, 1) perpetrators of abuse might be able to face themselves, and 2) their community might be able to influence behavior change.
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The Patrick Brown scandal in Canadian politics was like this Everyone in the Ontario PCs had heard something, but always second hand, and a whisper campaign existed but just not enough to permeate public consciousness When accusations DID come out, everyone turned on him
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The thing is, on due process grounds, he was right to feel kinda hard done by But that ignores the years and years of everyone thinking he was probably, but not definitely, a creep What is the right play there? Perhaps not make the guy your main public face! But beyond that...
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There should be a social institution for that. Some kind of a ritual where this can be openly vented, without triggering a massive fallout. Romans had the Saturnalia to turn society on its head... Maybe everyone should write up their misgivings for Halloween or something?
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