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I've been really distracted over the past few months due to attempting to date a new person. It's the #2 top scorer from my date-me survey, and we're intentionally and rapidly escalating the relationship to figure out as hard and fast as possible if we could be life partners. 1/

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Jul 29, 2021

So far the answer looks like "probably not", our predictions of success are 15-20% right now - low enough to be pessimistic but high enough to still be worth trying. It's been a hard, emotional roller coaster eating up most of my spare attention. 2/

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

It's had me thinking a lot about life-partner selection; at what point do you accept the tradeoffs and commit? How workable are incompatibilities? How valuable are the rare ways in which you connect? At what point do you switch from explore to exploit? 3/

10:49 PM · Jul 29, 2021

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I made a list of what I want in a partner, weighted them (how valuable to me), rated my past partners according to what I wanted and multiplied their ratings by the weights. Here's chronological order scores of my past partners (including current dude). Max possible score=1560

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Jul 29, 2021

(also to be clear the things i want isn't the only factor; there's things he wants that i don't quite hit, which is another whole other fun stone to throw in that already muddied pond)

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Jul 29, 2021

anyway yeah thats my life and what's been going on sorry if i have been slow to respond to your dms. i mean i'm normally slow to respond to dms but lately it's been especially bad.

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How does exploit come in?

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Please reach out to me. There is a better way to choose a partner. Promise.

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and

> The decision to marry is the decision to stop shopping and choose to become more compatible with one another intentionally. Few understand this.

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The standard answer is 1/e, but that relies on some mathematical assumptions that may not be realistic if you're not trying to date a perfectly spherical cow.

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It's an absolute cut your losses decision in the end, except for the lucky few. For example my wife and I have the best relationship of anyone I know. Out of 7 billion ppl there is a probably a better match for me out there. I also know I will never encounter that person...

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Most people evolve with time and it's rare for two people to evolve similarly. What you want today won't necessarily be what you want tomorrow. Points of connect can change into disconnect and vice versa. I'd base the decision on values which are least likely to change with time.