I've been really distracted over the past few months due to attempting to date a new person. It's the #2 top scorer from my date-me survey, and we're intentionally and rapidly escalating the relationship to figure out as hard and fast as possible if we could be life partners. 1/
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So far the answer looks like "probably not", our predictions of success are 15-20% right now - low enough to be pessimistic but high enough to still be worth trying. It's been a hard, emotional roller coaster eating up most of my spare attention. 2/
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It's had me thinking a lot about life-partner selection; at what point do you accept the tradeoffs and commit? How workable are incompatibilities? How valuable are the rare ways in which you connect? At what point do you switch from explore to exploit? 3/
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I made a list of what I want in a partner, weighted them (how valuable to me), rated my past partners according to what I wanted and multiplied their ratings by the weights. Here's chronological order scores of my past partners (including current dude). Max possible score=1560
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(also to be clear the things i want isn't the only factor; there's things he wants that i don't quite hit, which is another whole other fun stone to throw in that already muddied pond)
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anyway yeah thats my life and what's been going on sorry if i have been slow to respond to your dms. i mean i'm normally slow to respond to dms but lately it's been especially bad.
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I think you’re making a category error here. You’re atomizing the aspects of a wholistic experience and are surprised they don’t summate
“If you take apart the Taj Mahal brick by brick you’ll never find it’s beauty”
I’d recommend reading The Master and His Emissary
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Been married 27 years, I wonder if we’d taken this approach if we’d ever have got together. I don’t think so, and we’d have missed out.
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But don’t you think the intentional and rapid escalation is changing the actual relationship? Like, the artificially rapid escalation could be having more of a negative effect than if your partner met fewer of your criteria?
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maybe no single person begins as a “compatible” life partner
maybe it takes transformation, inside that unique relationship, to Become
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