I carry it in my bones, it’s a heavy part of my history, and it’s strange and wonderful to have escaped, to be outside in a world that lets me have a wide variety of expression. My past feels like some dark, hidden dream that those around me have never dreamed themselves. 8/
Conversation
And I know a lot of current trad sexuality discourse is getting at a real thing, is trying to point out problems that exist in this weird progressive sex freedom, trying to protect ways people are hurt by this new approach.
But... do they know how dark the dream can get? 9/
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To be clear, a lot of neo-trad-discourse ppl wouldn’t condone most of my upbringing. My old trad life was an extreme version, the values mandatory and heavy and cruel. But my old trad life had a lot of justifications, and it makes me nervous to see similar justifications now. 10/
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One of the hard lessons of life is that there’s almost never a perfect option - in complex systems we get to pick between hurt and more hurt. Every suggestion will have downsides for someone, and if you claim your option will never hurt anyone then you’re delusional. 11/
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And I’m not claiming that progressive sexuality doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s new and clumsy and I absolutely agree and sympathize with trying to point out and mitigate it and fight to protect those who would be much better suited for a trad life. I am claiming, however, 12/
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That the worst version of progressive sexuality pales in comparison to the worst version of trad sexuality. History has had a lot of time to efficiently slam down human life and expression in traditional ways; the “but sexual freedom man” is a mild blip by comparison. 13/
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I also think that trad sex/gender norms were probably there for a reason in older times; it’s not like everybody got together and was like “yeah, lets oppress everyone for fun”. Old brutal culture existed in a more brutal world, and trad stuff makes more sense w/ babies thrown in
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But also extreme-trad stuff just... it really hurts to be in. It’s really bad. It hurt people I loved, it hurt me, and it’s a deep scar I’ll carry till I die. And I’m scared to see people roleplaying at some light version of what I went through without understanding this. 15/
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I am absolutely down for discussions about the downsides of progressive sex culture. I’d love to figure out how to mitigate it, to make people not feel pressured, to support and protect the role of wives and mothers. I think this is important and good. 16
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But as soon as it carries a hint of that old oppression, I’m out. I know exactly how they used to justify the bad, that sense of moral superiority. Your ability to enjoy finger-shaking from this trad shit is born out of privilege of never having to go through what I did. 17/
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So let’s explore the downsides of freedom while still valuing the freedom itself; let’s compassionately try to solve the mental issues people are developing from progressive sex culture with solutions that aren’t worse than the problem we’re trying to solve. I think we can do it!
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Freedom itself isn’t the issues. Forcing others to follow ones views is the problem.
Live and let live
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Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. For all my theoretical appreciation of what you describe, your thread hits hard.
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This trad past life you experienced is why I've always related to you on some level. I grew up in a similar sheltered environment, as I'm sure many of your followers here have.
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Not to derail your thread, but what or how were the views "of your soul" if they knew anything about using acid or peyote?
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Replying to
Yeah ppl say this, “that’s not really trad culture tho”.
I don’t believe it, that feels like a cop-out. Lots of things neo-trad ppl promote have strong echoes in the actual trad stuff I went through. I’m not saying they’re the same, but they’re close enough that I’m concerned.
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Yeah, pick the least-powerful point in the most uncharitably phrased way to undermine my point, ignore the fact that one of my friends was forbidden to move out of her father’s house until she could find another man whose authority to be under
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