I’m going into a lot of detail here (and skipping a lot too), but I’m trying to drive a point home that there does exist a type of traditional sex/gender culture that is pretty hard to exist inside of, that hurts people, shrinks their world, injects shame. 7/
Conversation
I carry it in my bones, it’s a heavy part of my history, and it’s strange and wonderful to have escaped, to be outside in a world that lets me have a wide variety of expression. My past feels like some dark, hidden dream that those around me have never dreamed themselves. 8/
2
6
138
And I know a lot of current trad sexuality discourse is getting at a real thing, is trying to point out problems that exist in this weird progressive sex freedom, trying to protect ways people are hurt by this new approach.
But... do they know how dark the dream can get? 9/
2
1
153
To be clear, a lot of neo-trad-discourse ppl wouldn’t condone most of my upbringing. My old trad life was an extreme version, the values mandatory and heavy and cruel. But my old trad life had a lot of justifications, and it makes me nervous to see similar justifications now. 10/
4
2
128
One of the hard lessons of life is that there’s almost never a perfect option - in complex systems we get to pick between hurt and more hurt. Every suggestion will have downsides for someone, and if you claim your option will never hurt anyone then you’re delusional. 11/
2
6
199
And I’m not claiming that progressive sexuality doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s new and clumsy and I absolutely agree and sympathize with trying to point out and mitigate it and fight to protect those who would be much better suited for a trad life. I am claiming, however, 12/
1
2
105
That the worst version of progressive sexuality pales in comparison to the worst version of trad sexuality. History has had a lot of time to efficiently slam down human life and expression in traditional ways; the “but sexual freedom man” is a mild blip by comparison. 13/
5
11
141
I also think that trad sex/gender norms were probably there for a reason in older times; it’s not like everybody got together and was like “yeah, lets oppress everyone for fun”. Old brutal culture existed in a more brutal world, and trad stuff makes more sense w/ babies thrown in
2
4
121
But also extreme-trad stuff just... it really hurts to be in. It’s really bad. It hurt people I loved, it hurt me, and it’s a deep scar I’ll carry till I die. And I’m scared to see people roleplaying at some light version of what I went through without understanding this. 15/
2
3
144
I am absolutely down for discussions about the downsides of progressive sex culture. I’d love to figure out how to mitigate it, to make people not feel pressured, to support and protect the role of wives and mothers. I think this is important and good. 16
2
3
121
But as soon as it carries a hint of that old oppression, I’m out. I know exactly how they used to justify the bad, that sense of moral superiority. Your ability to enjoy finger-shaking from this trad shit is born out of privilege of never having to go through what I did. 17/
Replying to
So let’s explore the downsides of freedom while still valuing the freedom itself; let’s compassionately try to solve the mental issues people are developing from progressive sex culture with solutions that aren’t worse than the problem we’re trying to solve. I think we can do it!
25
12
286
Replying to
The lie that love can be "free" cost people their souls. Ppl are anxious, depressed, suicidal, sexually confused, wounded, unable to maintain commitments, and basically clueless about real love. Overall, trad culture was less destructive and fostered a healthier society.
1
Replying to
This is you finger wagging in your own way though. The sanctimony of equating conservative sexual mores with what sounds like abuse. If the pendulum has swung too far, behaviors and habits need to be judged and labeled as destructive to the fabric of a society and oneself.
Replying to
You have talent for writing. And you certainly have a topic for an article as well as a book. Megan Daum could help you develop both. Good luck.
Replying to
So, I don’t think trad appeals to people who feel moral superiority. My impression is that it appeals to people who have completely internalized google.com/amp/s/unstable and who think moral superiority is a comfortable act to put on.
1