them: I could never participate in [controversial thing] because of [misconception about the thing]" me: i mean that's fine, do what feels comfortable, but also just wanna make sure you know that reason is actually incorrect them: why u pressuring me into [controversial thing]?
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I would swap out your last response with something like “how am I stopping you?” you didn’t come across like anything, imho they’re likely experiencing a defensive response to *feeling* persecuted or threatened. The whole thing can be a bit of a hallucination
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NVC King
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i get that a lot too. my suspicion is they really just want to dunk on poly or feel a sense of superiority about their current relationship framework rather than consider potential alternatives or learn more about the world.
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Hmm, I've actually gotten this a lot from poly people! Lots of assumptions about monogamy and a bizarre refusal to update brainstats when those assumptions don't apply, presented with a general air of superiority and even contempt. This particular question is just semantics tho
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Another idea - maybe people perceive reasons as socially binding, and when they find the reasons they stated go the other direction they expected, they feel a pressure to follow.
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Undermining people's rationalizations for doing what they want *is* pressuring them to do what they don't want, from their perspective.
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It’s because people can’t handle being wrong. It’s the same reason it’s so hard to ever change anyone’s mind. Even when served with a preponderance of evidence that their belief is incorrect they will still hold onto because they can’t stand being wrong
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might be that "i value commitment" is shorthand for intuitions they havent articulated or even cant verbally
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People not into poly lack referents and often even the insight into themselves revealed by traveling that path. Heck, some people who are into poly still lack that introspection.
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Ah. I know this one. Just phrase it like such, "I can see why you'd not be into [thing] because of [logical reason]. As for [their reason], [elaborate on misconception]. If you provide a clear out, it helps break the illusion that you are pushing them.
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