Conversation

them: I could never participate in [controversial thing] because of [misconception about the thing]" me: i mean that's fine, do what feels comfortable, but also just wanna make sure you know that reason is actually incorrect them: why u pressuring me into [controversial thing]?

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

This sounds uncharitable but i don't mean to be; I find it really hard to have this conversation in general. Even though I try to repeat "No it's fine, you can not be into [thing]" while also arguing against the reason, it's HARD to not sound like you're trying to convince them

11:55 PM · Mar 21, 2021

Replying to

I want there to be a clearer norm around this, where you can be like YOU DONT HAVE TO BE INTO THE THING REGARDLESS OF THE VALIDITY OF THIS REASON and everybody really groks it and then you can talk about the misconception directly without it getting weird or triggering.

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Mar 21, 2021

This happens lots with polyamory specifically. Ppl go "I could never be polyamorous cause I value commitment." And i'm like "well actually exclusivity != commitment" and then ppl are like "dude just let me be monog ok" and im like "wait i didnt mean to come across like that"

Replying to

Maybe it's about Motivated Reasoning (MR). When your brain (not "you") wants to do X, with no good sounding reason, it invents one. Now you believe it's why you do X. Challenging it disturbs the fragile foundation for X, and needs to be rejected. [I've zero relevant expertise]