them: I could never participate in [controversial thing] because of [misconception about the thing]"
me: i mean that's fine, do what feels comfortable, but also just wanna make sure you know that reason is actually incorrect
them: why u pressuring me into [controversial thing]?
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This sounds uncharitable but i don't mean to be; I find it really hard to have this conversation in general. Even though I try to repeat "No it's fine, you can not be into [thing]" while also arguing against the reason, it's HARD to not sound like you're trying to convince them
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I want there to be a clearer norm around this, where you can be like YOU DONT HAVE TO BE INTO THE THING REGARDLESS OF THE VALIDITY OF THIS REASON and everybody really groks it and then you can talk about the misconception directly without it getting weird or triggering.
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This happens lots with polyamory specifically. Ppl go "I could never be polyamorous cause I value commitment."
And i'm like "well actually exclusivity != commitment"
and then ppl are like "dude just let me be monog ok"
and im like "wait i didnt mean to come across like that"
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Sounds like an implicit "if my reason for not participating in [controversial thing] is incorrect, then I guess I have no choice but to participate in [controversial thing]"
See also:
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having "social skills" is where you think one thing and say a different thing. there are some other details but that's basically it
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Them: I hate green tea. It's so bitter and gross.
Me: If it's bitter, you are steeping it too long and at too high a temperature.
Them: Why are you trying to make me like green tea? I said I don't like it!
(Yes, I've seen this conversation play out online.)
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It seems that would be simply their interpretation of what you meant. I believe it's their fault for assuming implicit intentions and/or implications beyond the explicit point you made. You at least tried to hide such implicit messages.
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