this might come as a shock but I feel kinda uncomfortable talking too directly about sex and what arouses me to the public, and I'm not fully sure why. Some theories:
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1 latent sexual shame that can only handle being publicly sexual when it's clearly compartmentalized
2 fear people will lie to me to make me think we're sexually compatible
3 i haven't seen other ppl do it yet
4 people might actually arouse me and thus have control over me (??)
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But I also have a desire *to* be totally sexually open. There's a lil deep part of me that feels confused when intimacy has boundaries, like if I'm afraid of showing people something in myself then I'm afraid of seeing the same thing in them, which doesn't feel like love.
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It feels like a faint echo of a possible world where I just suck every dick or whatever and it's amazing, and everybody else is sucking all the dicks too and nobody's getting jealous and the world is a much more joyful place. So I wanna know why I'm afraid.
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The desire to be open and the fear of being judged are two completely different things and while you'd think one would override the other, they don't. If you can accept that the only judgement that really matters is your own, then you'd be closer to the openness you desire.
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the feminine cannot initiate and be happy but only take cues from the masculine, she needs that safety net
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Every single time I see a post from you, every single intellectual gear in my being begins to turn 😂😭
I would suggest, recontextualize your understanding/ usage of fear. Atleast in my experience, fear is an indicator of anticipated expansion beyond what we're immediately. . .
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It’s the risk taking and the unknown. And let’s be honest. Even in this more open-minded time, we know how viciously judgmental the world can get sometimes. It’s scary.
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Imo this kind of thing is risky to do in public because it creates a lever by which people will try to get into your pants because you’re hot regardless of if they’re actually compatible or not, which means yet another Avenue of having to assess and refuse people, which sucks.
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Sounds like a pleasure realm you inhabited for a time before coming to this world.
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When you decide to open the Aella merch store, please quote this tweet on a cross-stitched wall hanging for me, please. Thanks in advance.
