this might come as a shock but I feel kinda uncomfortable talking too directly about sex and what arouses me to the public, and I'm not fully sure why. Some theories:
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1 latent sexual shame that can only handle being publicly sexual when it's clearly compartmentalized
2 fear people will lie to me to make me think we're sexually compatible
3 i haven't seen other ppl do it yet
4 people might actually arouse me and thus have control over me (??)
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But I also have a desire *to* be totally sexually open. There's a lil deep part of me that feels confused when intimacy has boundaries, like if I'm afraid of showing people something in myself then I'm afraid of seeing the same thing in them, which doesn't feel like love.
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It feels like a faint echo of a possible world where I just suck every dick or whatever and it's amazing, and everybody else is sucking all the dicks too and nobody's getting jealous and the world is a much more joyful place. So I wanna know why I'm afraid.
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maybe because the outcome of doing that is a genuine unknown, but you do know that you wouldn’t be able to take it back.
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Everyone has boundaries. Plus it is like Adam and Eve: by eating fruit of knowledge you see your nakedness (your weaknesses) see how to exploit in others and how others could exploit them against you.
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With the right person talking about anything being able to let the rest of the world fade out doesn't matter where you are its just right. Biggest challenge is not gettting caught. Always more comfortable with someone I know.
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Honestly, I think that it goes back to our evolutionary environment. Humans are primates with females 80% the size of males. Other primates in that range are Polygynous multi male. Humans got more successful than our emotional capacity can manage.
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Is there a difference to you between the idea of talking on a street corner in front of a bunch of strangers vs talking on Twitter in front of an infinitude of intangible user accounts?
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I think that's natural and probably just your personal feelings on managing your privacy and need to know info. Besides, you have to leave something to the imagination. Keeps a bit of mystery about yourself.
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