Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I'm not arguing that everybody should go poly, or that it's best for everybody. I'm arguing: 1-Monog ppl have lots of severe misconceptions about polyamory 2-Monogamy is in the water supply; a lot of people don't 'actually' have a poly option or know they'd be happier poly
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Monogamous people *constantly* misunderstand and judge polyamory and repeat this stuff loudly - one of the most egregious offenders being a confusion between exclusivity and commitment. Poly people "aren't serious" or "can't raise healthy kids."
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
And because polyamory is so heavily shamed, misunderstood, and derided in culture, it's also not *ever* reflected in media. There's almost zero poly representation anywhere. Monogamous thought is EVERYWHERE. It is so cloyingly obvious once you're looking for it. -
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
And so a lot of people who might have really thrived in polyamorous relationships, ever actually get the chance. They've only ever gotten heavy cultural messaging that monogamy is the *only way to be*, and they go get into monog relationships and feel shitty when it doesn't work.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
But they can't go poly - maybe they've got a full life developed now, maybe they don't know any other poly people (because those other ppl are also ashamed/don't know they're poly). Maybe they have zero skills, framework, or examples of how poly could even work.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
This was true for me! Early on, I "was poly" in the sense that it was right for me (e.g., my monog boyfriend sexted with someoene else and I tried to 'make' myself feel jealous cause I thought i should), but had no idea how to do poly cause i hadn't heard of it.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
polyamory is analagous in some ways to homosexuality back in the day. "You know you could leave your wife and be with another guy?" "what.. no there's like a billion reasons i can't do that. I'm not 'really gay'. And nobody would understand, i can't get married, what about kids?"
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