is polygamy inevitable for all people who are comfortable with themselves and soothed of their insecurities?
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I think *not restricting your partner from intimacy with others in situations where this doesn't directly counter a separate commitment* is inevitable
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sorry; i think not restricting your partner is inevitable. Exceptions are unrelated commitments; e.g., you and your partner planned a big getaway; your partner gets invited to a bootycall. You can be like 'no', because you planned a getaway, not cause it's a bootycall.
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Interesting. Feels wrong to me and I don't agree, but I think I get some of it now
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Ok still wondering: why is it ok to say no to a bootycall in that situation, but not okay to say no to fucking a stranger in daily life?
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If this were 'hanging out with a close friend', it feels intuitive and obvious. It's bad if you tell your partner they can't hang out along with friends. It's okay if you tell your partner they can't hang out if it conflicts with an event you were planning.
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As in; it's ok to ask for modification of behavior to accomplish a specific goal. "Be home by 8pm every night so our kids see their father" or "We have to put in 40 hours every week as cofounders on thsi business"
But "don't fuck a stranger" isn't 'for a purpose'
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As in, the only purpose for not fucking a stranger is to *avoid making you feel insecure*. And imo, requiring your partner to avoid doing things that have nothing to do with you, but make you feel insecure, is pretty weird and often quite toxic.
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ok that makes more sense. I think where we differ might be be that I believe "don't fuck strangers" to be a good step towards a strong and healthy relationship with the 1 you love: a step towards security, health, and the purpose of nourishing intimacy.
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Right, monog ppl often interpret this restriction as a sign of commitment. I don't get this at all. Why not also restrict your partner emotionally bonding with other friends too? Wouldn't that also increase security, and redirect intimacy towards your partner?
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Yes I think it would. Maybe I just don't get it because I naturally move towards not emotionally/sexually bonding with multiple people at once.
It feels silly for me to imagine how bonding with multiple people can increase security for the one I'm "MOST" bonded with.
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*most* people consider partners preventing their partners from bonding with friends to be abusive behavior. There's a lot of things that increase security that are abusive. Actually a lot of abusive behaviors come from an attempt to get security from the partner
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