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Conversation

Replying to

do you want more people to be poly?

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I want more people to know themselves, which typically results in increased comfort with the self and soothing of insecurities, which makes polyamory more appealing

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is polygamy inevitable for all people who are comfortable with themselves and soothed of their insecurities?

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I think *not restricting your partner from intimacy with others in situations where this doesn't directly counter a separate commitment* is inevitable

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I don't understand that sentence

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sorry; i think not restricting your partner is inevitable. Exceptions are unrelated commitments; e.g., you and your partner planned a big getaway; your partner gets invited to a bootycall. You can be like 'no', because you planned a getaway, not cause it's a bootycall.

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Interesting. Feels wrong to me and I don't agree, but I think I get some of it now

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Ok still wondering: why is it ok to say no to a bootycall in that situation, but not okay to say no to fucking a stranger in daily life?

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If this were 'hanging out with a close friend', it feels intuitive and obvious. It's bad if you tell your partner they can't hang out along with friends. It's okay if you tell your partner they can't hang out if it conflicts with an event you were planning.

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As in; it's ok to ask for modification of behavior to accomplish a specific goal. "Be home by 8pm every night so our kids see their father" or "We have to put in 40 hours every week as cofounders on thsi business" But "don't fuck a stranger" isn't 'for a purpose'

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As in, the only purpose for not fucking a stranger is to *avoid making you feel insecure*. And imo, requiring your partner to avoid doing things that have nothing to do with you, but make you feel insecure, is pretty weird and often quite toxic.

6:43 AM · Feb 13, 2021

Replying to

ok that makes more sense. I think where we differ might be be that I believe "don't fuck strangers" to be a good step towards a strong and healthy relationship with the 1 you love: a step towards security, health, and the purpose of nourishing intimacy.

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Right, monog ppl often interpret this restriction as a sign of commitment. I don't get this at all. Why not also restrict your partner emotionally bonding with other friends too? Wouldn't that also increase security, and redirect intimacy towards your partner?

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