this is kind of how my brain works in a monogamous context, too
I can still find people hot in the abstract ofc but if I'm securely attached in an exclusive relationship, specific people are just not sexually interesting anymore
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I don't think so? I'll let you know when I'm fifty lol
but...having had a promiscuous phase, an intense novelty-seeking phase, and a nonmonogamous phase...
I'm p sure that this is how my libido works and has basically always worked
I've had *fun* sex outside of exclusivity
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...but it hits different (and much better-to-me) when I'm monogamous
and it seems to keep *getting* better
(I'm not trying to shill, I know this doesn't hold for everyone)
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and periods of mild boredom or routine feel extremely minor, or at least manageable
actually! the prospect of getting bored having sex with one person feels to me like the way you describe jealousy
like, sure, might happen! but the benefits of working through it are vast
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i mean i am 100% for only being with one person if thats what you want. The problem I've always had is requiring your partner not to be with others; it's the restriction that's the issue here, not the 'being with one person and working through boredom'.
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it doesn't feel that different from having any other sort of deal dealbreaker? it's a prerequisite for being with *me,* not a prerequisite for them doing whatever else they want with their lives
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I mean yeah, that's fine, you're not forcing ppl into a relationship with you. But if someone was like "if you wanna date me, it's a prerequisite that you not spend time alone with your friends" i'd be like ??????
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Aren’t you openly autistic aella? Like I sympathize with your argument in pure logic/rational terms, but doesn’t the evo psych story just make LOTS of sense here? Most normies pretty hardwired to want exclusivity from a mate no matter how anyone tries to talk around it
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And I don’t mean that flippantly. I 100% see your argument and think it makes sense, but instinctively(?) know most people feel like most of the time.
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There's lots of things we're hardwired for that we consider horrific, and imo cultural conditioning can change a lot of what feel like innate desires.
I do understand why ppl want to mate guard post birth control in the same way I understand why people go to war
I don’t think think we’re hardwired for anything “horrific”. If I were to embrace your analogy though let’s say
tribal conflict is to war as mate exclusivity is to formal virginal marriage
We have less of the civilization extreme of both but root behavior is still fully there