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I suspect this might come from like... A poor understanding of what "fuck whoever, whenever" actually looks like. The ability to do so doesn't mean people actually do so, and the people who don't want it are less likely to do it. But some people actually do want it.

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I've probably had sex with... More people than anybody responding to you (200 people? Ish?), and the idea that this has damaged my ability for romantic intimacy feels extremely untrue. It has changed some things sure, but it's way more nuanced than that.

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The biggest effect is probably that it severely limits your pool of potential future long term partners. I'm sure you already realize this.

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I feel confused when people bring this up. It's like... As an analogy, if someone is super smart and also wants to date someone super smart, that is also limiting their pool of potential partners, but like... So what? There's still some smart ppl out there looking for you too

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The difference is that in your analogy you're choosing the size of the pool. You can always decide to settle. In my analogy they are choosing the size of the pool. They have to decide to settle.

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There's a percentage of people out there who legit don't care how many people you've had sex with, and that's correlated with a lot of other things I like. If I go for other things I like, then they're very likely to not reject me based on my partner count.

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I'm sure you're right there's a good correlation, but obviously it isn't perfect. You're losing the people who fall outside that Venn diagram. Again, I'm sure you realize this. I'm not saying you're making the wrong choices, just that these are obvious trade-offs.

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And the extent to which people legitimately don't care about number of partners isn't absolute. There's a difference between 200 and 12. The former is going to eliminate a lot more partners than the latter, even though they're both well above average for a woman.

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The relationships I've seen form in my network really assure me this isn't a thing I'm worried about. Plus anybody who doesn't want me cause of my sexual history doesn't make me feel sad, it makes me feel glad I escaped dating them

6:35 PM · Jan 23, 2021

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Fair enough! In your case specifically I don't think you really have a lot to worry about when it comes to finding someone suitable. But a random person with 200 previous partners probably does (at least to a greater extent)

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Also probably depends on their networks. My networks are extremely slut-tolerant, to the degree I feel confused when ppl ask me if I'm worried about people not wanting me. Other people's networks are probably much more slut intolerant tho!