Monogamy-by-default sounds like college-by-default. I'm like hey, isn't it weird you enter this life plan that is meant to help but also you're now in a lot of debt... Aren't there actual serious downsides we're sort of pretending are normal? I get that college is helpful, but...
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College has a big sting in it that ruins lives in a wide variety of ways, and we tend to brush it aside. When I say ppl aren't satisfied with sexual exclusivity in monogamy, it's like saying people are unsatisfied with college debt, even if they definitely wanted college.
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Cause obviously long term monogamy isn't exactly naturally aligned with the needs of a lot of people in it. By the time men are old, 25% report actually cheating on their wives. Something in our institution of marriage is deeply broken, it's not serving a huge chunk of people.
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Monogamy has more of a basis in human nature than college attendance. It’s a social institution that has, by now, proven its utility as a human practice (college too, but it’s a different kettle). Whatever downsides might exist, monogamy can certainly be said to be normal atp.
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Almost everybody who argues monogamy-for-all conflates pair bonds with monogamy, monogamy with marriage, and monogamy with lifelong sexual exclusivity.
They're all different, and have somewhat different pros and cons.
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College is a racquet. Monogamy isn’t, though it is definitely due for an upgrade. You would be an excellent person to have that conversation with .
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If one wants to reproduce, as most people do, then having a strong, lifelong pair bond with the other parent is much, much better for the children’s development than other arrangements. Having an open marriage may lead to a weaker pair bond than a regular marriage
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