I'm not famous, but over the course of the past year I've started hitting the point where some social dynamics are changing, where I'm experiencing different pressures online, where even some really deep subconscious stuff in me is shifting around. 1/
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Another aspect of this is that I'm slowly becoming aware of 'hidden networks', and I feel very outside of them. I'm terrible at networking, I'm unclear and insecure about my value to the outside world, and I try *so hard* to be chill about it all cause being unchill is uncool. 11
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I often feel like I have no idea what's going on, like I'm entering some big jittery ride that is taking me somewhere extreme, either good or bad, and I don't know how to ask the more experienced people for help and I am afraid to talk about it with everyone else. 12/12
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I'm SUPER curious about how it feels to be changed by fame but it's obvious famous people have every incentive not to talk about it. Maybe you need an anonymous account just for that topic?
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Adaptation to public life and pressure, an evolving identity, your own growth -- that's some very real shit. I hope you do manage to find a way to talk about this stuff in a way that feels safe/authentic/etc. You might be the one who makes it ok to talk about all this openly.
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FWIW I haven’t experienced horror at anything you’ve written or expressed. You caveat your positions and ideas clearly. My gut reaction is that most experiencing horror are misunderstanding some nuance or they have simple emotional priors
Sorry to hear you feel isolated
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