I'm not famous, but over the course of the past year I've started hitting the point where some social dynamics are changing, where I'm experiencing different pressures online, where even some really deep subconscious stuff in me is shifting around. 1/
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To be clear, I personally experience little-to-no judgment of these things in myself. I've reached the point where I'm fortunate to be totally okay with all my own gross horribleness; my fear is specifically the angry internet masses who are *not* okay with my gross horribleness.
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And so it's very hard to talk publicly about the ways my (limited amount of) 'fame' is changing me. Few people by definition understand, and people who can't are much more likely to judge. All the changes are unflattering, the difficulties unrelatable. It's pretty isolating. 10/
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Another aspect of this is that I'm slowly becoming aware of 'hidden networks', and I feel very outside of them. I'm terrible at networking, I'm unclear and insecure about my value to the outside world, and I try *so hard* to be chill about it all cause being unchill is uncool. 11
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I often feel like I have no idea what's going on, like I'm entering some big jittery ride that is taking me somewhere extreme, either good or bad, and I don't know how to ask the more experienced people for help and I am afraid to talk about it with everyone else. 12/12
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FWIW, that you do this regularly on twitter is so inspiring to me. It allows for way richer introspection and growth than diving into the flattering stuff would. Super grateful for how willing you've been over the years to dive into the ugliness.
Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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