Conversation

I'm agender, in that when I google 'agender' everything that's said about it sounds right to me. I have no sense of internal gender, womanness feels like a suit I got put into. But the concept of telling people I'm "not cis" feels so bizarre. 1/

355

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Dec 22, 2020

Why would I do that? People see my woman suit and know that woman suits mean something in society, and that seems... true. It also seems totally irrelevant to me if they understand I don't 'feel' like a woman. It doesn't impact anything. Why would I bother to correct them? 2/

173

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Dec 22, 2020

Like, if I used they/them pronouns that wouldn't *mean* anything. I'd still look and act like I do, and nothing else would change, and nothing about the way they viewed me would change. She/her pronouns are part of my woman suit, and like sure, whatever man. 3/

198

Aella

@Aella_Girl

It also seems weird cause 'cis' is often used as a weapon in the gender culture wars, and sometimes people who are angry at me describe me as cis, and I often don't correct them, because it feels weird that my agenderness should be relevant *at all* to almost *anything*

3:19 AM · Dec 22, 2020

@SubZerofinishim

Dec 22, 2020

Replying to

@Aella_Girl

you matter. how you feel matters. you don't have to accept the role society assumes. do what makes you most comfortable.

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Always good topics and mindful thoughts! I like that you exist whether I can see your ethereal internal penis or vagina or not.

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I think this comes down to humbleness, honestly. I sometimes wonder what trans males feel is so imperative to their survival in transition. Most humans are much more 'complex' than a gender binary, and just getting others to refer to you as a he is not changing those fundamentals

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distancing from gender identity is a step towards enlightenment ... all gender is conditioning even though it is generally helpful ... you are not your gender, far from it

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I don't know what it means for anybody to feel like anything, but they insist that they do. I feel like a woman insofar as I got poured into a female body and I'm working with what I've got (literally)

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I think that at the *most* fundamental level none of us are a gender any more than we're a race or nationality or even personality, and all of it's just suits. But then I like Ram Dass and Alan Watts a lot.

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I think that this is where I'd land- if I thought that identifying was something more than a 21st century affectation and word game. There are parts of my life that alternately coalesce with and cut against expectations. Which is how it's always been for everyone, everywhere

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The idea of feeling like a gender is bizarre anyway, because I've only ever been me. I just feel like a me. I both am and am not stereotypically masculine depending on which stereotype you are applying at the given time. Gender as feeling makes no sense to me.