On one hand, it's good to listen to and make space for someone's pain.
On the other hand, if someone's expression of pain is hurting you, it's okay to have boundaries and refuse to endure it.
For example:
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Abusive relationships often involve the abusive partner expressing that the victim is hurting *them*, and use this as a justification to do emotionally manipulative and cruel things.
And maybe the victim is hurting them! But that doesn't matter, that's not the point. 2/
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This is a HUGE problem I seem in some facets of woke discourse; people say "I'm being hurt" as a wide justification to do all sorts of emotional manipulation and cruelty. And they're right, they are being hurt, but that absolutely doesn't mean you have to endure them hurting you.
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More specifically, this is often used with race. As in, your racial group has hurt my racial group, therefore I have the right or justification to be mean or intolerant to you, to demand you listen to me and not speak, to minimize your opinions.
No, this is not okay.
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I think this can also get super complex in scenarios where both partners are abusive, at least in theory. I'm sure it's possible for two abusive people to have a successful, symbiotic relationship in theory but I wonder how often it works in practice.
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"But that doesn't matter, that's not the point"
Once more for those in the back!