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Aella_Girl's profile
Aella
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@Aella_Girl

whorelord http://aella.hns.to 

Austin
knowingless.com
Joined September 2012

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    1. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      instead of feeling like there is just a Me that Changes over time ("becomes" more Okay, "becomes" more distressed), I feel like there's this outside-of-time Peaceful Self that is just...gazing down at all of these little tangles and states

      1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
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    2. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      it reminds me a bit of the aliens in Slaughterhouse Five, that can see all of the slices of time at once

      2 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
      Show this thread
    3. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      I don't feel like this thing makes me more fatalistic or apathetic, though; if anything, it makes life much easier on those "smaller selves" because they "know" that their "current" state isn't an "emergency" it feels like the start of a cure for catastrophizing

      1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
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    4. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      and the funny thing is, the knowledge still exists even when I'm in a catastrophizing sort of state I woke up kind of panicked this morning, felt the weight of a bunch of things pressing on me, felt despair, etc

      1 reply 0 retweets 17 likes
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    5. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      but the existence of that larger-than-Self Okayness meant that I could just kind of...get up, go about my day, digest all of the "everything is horrible" feelings, and eventually stop feeling paralyzed

      1 reply 0 retweets 22 likes
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    6. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      it's extremely cool but it also feels relatively...mundane? there are moments of euphoria in my meditation practice but it's not like permanent calm or joy or anything

      2 replies 0 retweets 19 likes
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    7. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      "I" am Basically Fine, and semi-permanently feel large enough to contain all of the pieces that are Not Fine desire, goals, craving, grasping, turmoil, despair...all still exist but they exist Within Me, and Me exists within something that is very deeply Okay

      1 reply 1 retweet 29 likes
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    8. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      this feels like a really big deal in some ways and not a big deal at all in other ways it's a pretty "simple" alteration to my life, but it feels like a tiny improvement to every single part of the system-that-is-me

      2 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
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    9. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      maybe this is one of the things Stoicism tries to point to 🤔

      3 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
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    10. bosco‏ @selentelechia 12 Nov 2020

      oddly, I think I owe some of the "semipermanence" of this development to spending 40+ hours knitting

      2 replies 0 retweets 21 likes
      Show this thread
      Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 12 Nov 2020
      Replying to @selentelechia

      i strongly identify with this thread particularly the mundaneness

      11:40 AM - 12 Nov 2020
      • 4 Likes
      • Malcolm Ocean Raymond bosco Norn (groke)
      0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes

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