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In a default polyamory world with stigma against monogamy, imagine a monogamous person expressing any difficulty. "My partner cheated on me" or "Im into this other person but can't act on it" The world would use these normal flaws to mock and degrade monog people. 1/

177

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Nov 8, 2020

Very similarly, it's dangerous to express any problems with a lifestyle that the world holds stigma against. In reality, every single lifestyle holds problems; stigma is just the line between which problems get justified and which are interpreted as signs of deep failure. 2/

150

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Nov 8, 2020

I think this is often why persecuted subcultures get extremely sensitive to people pointing out actual flaws - they've learned that people use the flaws as a weapon, and don't trust anyone making a move towards it. This is unhelpful for everyone, and leads to stuff like -

140

Aella

@Aella_Girl

Everyone getting really touchy if you try to talk about stuff like race and crime. The answer to this is to stop using flaws as evidence of failure or an excuse to judge. Your identity and lifestyle are riddled with "flaws" too, you're probably just much more blind to them.

5:32 PM · Nov 8, 2020

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compile

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Hey, thanks for sharing this thread from

@Aella_Girl

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So one issue here is I also think a lot of people take "That all seems weird to me," with a subtext of "but you do you I don't really care," and instead of hearing "It's not for me," hear "You're a freak and I'm judging you." Like I don't care that people are into DDLG stuff tho

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If flaws shouldn’t be used to debate the healthiness of a lifestyle, what would you say is the alternative?

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Just read " how to not give a fuck" and it speaks volumes about being blind to self identifying issues.

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Identity politics is a hell of a drug...any alternative, any fly in the ointment of groupthink/the Overton Window and you’re ousted...it’s a diff form of fascism...the shutting down of anything threatening or not pleasing to the narrative

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Race and politics l would say.

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The exchangeability you're suggesting for all of these defaults against their rare counterparts, and their analogousness to each other, make no sense without a giant dose of blank slate.

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If you don’t want children then polyamory is workable choice however otherwise monogamy is only way. Polyamory people brag about having children with no issues but that is only for the short term. Trust, jealousy, loyalty feelings/expectations are chosen for the fittest survival.