why is casual sex bad so often
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I'd guess obligate kinky people actually can't have the best kind of sex; they'd need to clear the relevant trauma first. This is my experience; as I stripped off layers of trauma, first I got access narrow intensity, then gradually (and non-monotonically) something deeper.
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No censure implied, you're not obligated to have the best kind of sex, your kink is a kink but that's okay, etc etc.
End of conversation
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sex is super-good (vs “not bad” or “pleasurable”) in proportion to a combination of 1) wanting to have someone’s babies (& everything that entails), and 2) wanting to communicate profoundly. Probably not high on either dimension if casual?
