One of the luckiest accidents of my life was British visa restrictions forcing me & my girlfriend to decide if we were truly in love or just pretending. We married at 23 & 27, wayyy before we’d have otherwise. Many thoughts for millenials wasting time dating and waiting... 1/?
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Marriage is an utterly insane mechanism. You’re right to think, “I’m not sure, what if it doesn’t work out, I lose so many options, etc.” It’s a crazy, impossible-to-gaurantee decision with huge downsides. But if you do it right, the upside arguably approaches *infinity.*
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The upside to marriage is infinite insofar as it produces an absolute qualitative rupture. It’s a wormhole to another dimension, and the superiority of this dimension is felt but incalculable, incommensurable, there’s no common denominator to be found on the other side.
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The infinite upside to marriage is only obtained if you do it right. The key is you must be truly “all in,” meaning you will die before you even consider initiating a divorce. Capacity for this affirmation (aka faith) is going extinct. If you can, you enter the new dimension.
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When you cross to the other side, the depth of the bond is genuinely, indescribably enriching and sweet—heavenly is the only word. But the earthly advantages are numerous and invisible in pop culture. First, men, you can accomplish sooo much more when you’re not chasing women.
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Many men will accomplish much more after marrige for the sheer time not spent on the social dating game. But the real gain is you no longer have to regurgitate well-known high-status ideas to make girls like you. True intellectual originality becomes possible.
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The conformity effects of the dating market are the most underestimated scourge on American culture today. The norm of postponing marriage accelerates mimetic rivalry: men feel forced to competitively mimic high-status beliefs into their 30s! Let’s have forced marriage at 25.
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Anyway, marriage can be really really hard. Once or twice we have encountered the absolute limits of our faith in each other. And these were excruciatingly difficult, existential impasses. It’s not easy, but I do believe it really is simple: Never, ever quit—and you can’t lose.
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My parents have been married over thirty years! They persisted through thick and thin, through intense hardships and conflicts. Except THEY SHOULD HAVE DIVORCED. My dad was an abusive asshole and witnessing him torment my mother was horrific. Your message only works for some.
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Replying to @Aella_Girl @jmrphy
Your thread in general sounds very inspiring but when I apply it to my family I feel literally physically nauseated, like I'm recoiling from evil black muck, like if my mom read your thread she would have been locked even deeper in that hell
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