I don't get how offending someone means you're supposed to apologise. You can genuinely, compassionately acknowledge that you caused pain, that this is an undesirable side effect of your expression. But causing offense does not automatically equate to wrong behavior.
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Ideally you apologize when you think the pain you caused to another wasn't worth the benefit you got from it, and you'd like to communicate to them they can trust you not to do it again. But so much offense doesn't fall into that category and those offenders shouldn't apologize!
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Very often the pain you cause to other people is worth the benefit, and that is important to recognize and protect. Taxes, protests, mocking religion, are all examples of "good" offense - clearly we don't view causing pain as uniformly a bad thing!
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people have mixed definitions of an apology
it used to be about repentance, i.e. you agree it was a bad action and promise not to do it again in the future
but instead it now also means "I sympathize"
i sympathize, but I bear no fault is seen as a bad apology now
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youtu.be/NzdpxKqEUAw
Steven Fry had a *similar* take on the topic. I don't think its just a "whine" personally. I think knowing you hurt someone has value, but how I assess that value is subjective. The problem is some people think your assessment must be the same as theirs.
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The woke would say you aren't being "inclusive" even if you are right which is why they don't like free speech.
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Possibly a tangent but the author of Nonviolent Communication was actually against apologizing, like, in general
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