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Conversation

When someone asks me to use nonstandard pronouns and identifies as nonbinary, I do so without question. It's not hard to do! This information changes how I understand they want other people to perceive their gender, but it does not change the way I perceive their gender.

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I have zero conscious control over the way I perceive people's gender. A woman who comes out to me as nonbinary still processes as a woman in my head; I translate it as a "woman who doesn't like being limited to standard female gender roles".

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But again, to reiterate, to them and everyone else I do pretend they're not a woman, because it's not hard to do and they want me to and it makes them happy. But inside it always feels like I'm playing pretend, like I'm participating in a game that's obviously not real.

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This isn't a deliberate thing. I'm not in the corner cackling like 'yes I will invalidate genderqueer experience I love being evil.' If the nonbinary person stopped seeming female to me in practical ways, then the game would start to feel real, and I'm 100% fine with that.

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I love the idea of a glorious transhumanist future where gender isn't real and we can switch back and forth and be whatever. I'm agender myself (or something?), very pro plastic surgery and hormones and whatever it takes to make people process you into the category you want.

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the insistence that you need to view people as they want to be seen even if it doesn't feel like something you can do or legitimately is at odds with your perception, is gaslightly and abusive and you are NOT a bad person if you can't feel the things they want you to feel

3:40 AM · Sep 13, 2020

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Sometimes your perspectives can be quite comforting. I do my best to be supportive and respectful of the people around me but I cannot change some of my innermost reactions and reflexes.

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science. biology. sex chromosomes are not going to change regardless how one ‘feels.’

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I think this is right? You can be respectful of someone else's feelings while still retaining the right to have your own?

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Gresham’s Law

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I’d even push further, You have the right to interpret people according to your own experience and even preferences. Actually , we all do this everyday whether admitted to or not, and it’s part of our sovereignty.

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Hey! Listen to what I mean not what I say!!

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Agreed!

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One must always strive to understand how others “feel” and perceive themselves. challenging ourselves in this way, begets learning which begets evolution. We dont have to be perfect, but always must strive to understand. It is not acceptable to not try.

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Yes, same. I still perceive them the way I initially did, but I want them to feel happy and comfortable speaking w/ me so I do my best to pretend as well. However, as their outward appearance or even their voice changes, it feels more genuine and less like pretend.