Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
When someone asks me to use nonstandard pronouns and identifies as nonbinary, I do so without question. It's not hard to do! This information changes how I understand they want other people to perceive their gender, but it does not change the way I perceive their gender.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I have zero conscious control over the way I perceive people's gender. A woman who comes out to me as nonbinary still processes as a woman in my head; I translate it as a "woman who doesn't like being limited to standard female gender roles".
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
But again, to reiterate, to them and everyone else I do pretend they're not a woman, because it's not hard to do and they want me to and it makes them happy. But inside it always feels like I'm playing pretend, like I'm participating in a game that's obviously not real.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
This isn't a deliberate thing. I'm not in the corner cackling like 'yes I will invalidate genderqueer experience I love being evil.' If the nonbinary person stopped seeming female to me in practical ways, then the game would start to feel real, and I'm 100% fine with that.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I love the idea of a glorious transhumanist future where gender isn't real and we can switch back and forth and be whatever. I'm agender myself (or something?), very pro plastic surgery and hormones and whatever it takes to make people process you into the category you want.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
the insistence that you need to view people as they want to be seen even if it doesn't feel like something you can do or legitimately is at odds with your perception, is gaslightly and abusive and you are NOT a bad person if you can't feel the things they want you to feel
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Soylent Hill
@vgman94
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I used to be more opposed to transhumanism, but I’ve begun to believe it’s the only hope humanity has to end the cycle we’re stuck in. A cycle of war and peace.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
The gender they look like. I process passing trans people as their chosen gender, not as their birth gender, and if they tried to identify as their birth gender that would feel bizarre to me. Very rarely I meet androgynous people who confuse my brain into 'they're neither'
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jomel
@jimperio
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Love the way this is taken even further in The Culture series: changing not only genders but species, customizing bodily functions, glanding moods, emotions, mental states...
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Grand Beggar
@GrandBeggar
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
If there is no shared experience left to celebrate, and no one has a set identify, will we feel the same connection to others? There is benefit from similar and opposite gender relations, in different ways. Having commonality helps relatability Much to gain from dissolution?
Arets Paeglis
@mindbound
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I wonder how many people would/will keep switching back and forth much past the peak of inflated expectations. At least the alphabet people of today seem (to me as a gendersphere outsider, admittedly) to for the most part find their local optima in identity-space and stay there.