i remember being a kid and being FREAKED i could visualize things. I would visualize a pink heart on a black background and it wigged me the fuck out. I was like, where the HELL is this heart? WHY can I see it if it's not in front of me? whdat the FUCK is going ON
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i spent a ton of hours meditating on the pink heart trying to figure out what and where it was. I developed all sorts of theories about the properties of this heart and how it managed to exist but none of the theories felt good. This plagued me for yeaaars.
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I feel like this explains _something_ about your current philosophy of truth.
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I remember as a kid really diving into my visualizations and trying to figure out how they were qualitatively different than real vision, like is it as detailed? does it feel different than real sight? how so? For whatever reason my go-to image was a pond in the woods w/ duckweed
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Mine was a purple hat with a feather plume. My obsession was ineffable difference between the image as a thought vs a visualization. There was something about the quality of the details of the feather that seemed important. You're the first to report a similar obsession.
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