and it's also kinda hard to describe how in the same way it's hard to describe how rationality is useful on an intuitive or 'grokking' level. It gave me the ability to become much more aware and ongoingly accepting of myself in connection with others
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idk how well this comports with Sasha's experience / feelings but my revulsion to this is mostly based on a gut-level belief that induced intimacy is dangerous or it's probably just personality and that's my rationalization, which is kinda the same anyway
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like I don't want to do the thing that circling seems to be for in the first place, and I don't trust most people (including most though not all of my actual friends) with this kind of rawness
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this is in the neighborhood of what i can't yet explain even to myself -- i think the manufacturing of a variety of sincerity maybe leaves out things i think of as intrinsically human and crucial to the way i communicate my own experience and others'???? or smthg???
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