In witnessing someone just patiently take my attack and not attack back, it radically shifted my perspective on what discussions could be like. I suddenly saw that I'd been holding a 'war' mentality, not a 'discover truth together' mentality. 2/
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This happened years ago but I still vividly remember everything about this - the building, the chair I was sitting in, the direction I was facing. It was a really important change for me, and I now feel compelled to do the same thing for others, if I can. 3/3
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(p.s. this was my introduction to the rationalist community)
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It's amazing how much better you can get your point across when communicating it calmly. Doesn't always work, but it sure seems better than coming into every discussion with your hackles raised.
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With you all the way on this. This mindset is something that I see severely lacking in.... Well, people in general sometimes. We can work together, instead of perceiving others' genuine curiosity as threats.
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This is a general truism - we respond adaptively. But I do wonder whether for most people in the modern age identities don't just become more entrenched and the sort of combativeness you identify with 'youthful naivete' is actually getting culturally reinforced now
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I had similar experiences that stick with me. The sting of shame of being the one lacking facts and being too convinced of my position permanently made me less sure of myself and more willing to hear counter arguments, and less likely to judge people for being "wrong."
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Neutral, well-considered, gentle clarifying questions are just the best debate strategy. You got played. Seriously though, if you attack positions and not people, then all you're doing is helping them refine their own arguments and ideas, rather than in some kind of conflict.
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If they're comfortable being named I'd love to know who this was!
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she is currently in a monastery, which might tell you who it is if you know enough about the community
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