When I was younger, I was much more aggressive, conservative, and hostile. I once asked someone a 'debate' question around a touchy topic, ready to fight; she responded neutrally, well-considered, and asked gentle, clarifying questions.
That snapped me out of it - permanently. 1/
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In witnessing someone just patiently take my attack and not attack back, it radically shifted my perspective on what discussions could be like. I suddenly saw that I'd been holding a 'war' mentality, not a 'discover truth together' mentality.
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This happened years ago but I still vividly remember everything about this - the building, the chair I was sitting in, the direction I was facing. It was a really important change for me, and I now feel compelled to do the same thing for others, if I can. 3/3
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(p.s. this was my introduction to the rationalist community)
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If they're comfortable being named I'd love to know who this was!
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she is currently in a monastery, which might tell you who it is if you know enough about the community
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It's amazing how much better you can get your point across when communicating it calmly. Doesn't always work, but it sure seems better than coming into every discussion with your hackles raised.
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With you all the way on this. This mindset is something that I see severely lacking in.... Well, people in general sometimes. We can work together, instead of perceiving others' genuine curiosity as threats.
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