the word 'racist' is used so often for so many non-racist things it's really losing all meaning for me. I bet in a few years they'll have squeezed all the power out of it and will move onto a different term. What's the plausible runner up?
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But on the other hand, have you ever been the victim of gaslighting and abuse - where you do something that's fine and the abuser convinces you it's bad? There's a spectrum between the situation you describe and the situation I describe. In this case I think it's closer to mine.
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