this income is going to last. I'm both extremely grateful and trying to remember not to be attached, that this might all vanish. I'm not exercising, my eating is getting sporadic. I'm losing weight. I'm having increasing brain fog and fatigue and inability finishing tasks.
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I feel like a weird cog in a dream machine, like I've been here forever. Last night I saw a man get nearly arrested outside my window for racing an empty moving van. The closest homeless encampment caught on fire. The tenan is gone now but his stuff is still there in muddy ashes.
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I'm really lucky in so many ways, but I'm losing my mind. I keep getting ants. 50% of my diet is potato chips. I want to start writing my book but I am waiting for the day my brain stops feeling like it's smothered in mud. This is all so weird.
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This thread feels like it should be very poetic rather than depressing. Best of luck.
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It is very well written and scary both
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I had a pretty similar experience while living in SF. Visited my parents in SJ and on the fourth day my listlessness suddenly vanished. I strongly suspect it was Vit D deficiency since I’m getting way more sun now.
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Psychotherapy?
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I’d recommend leaving the Bay Area. It’s only going to get worse there & if you’re already able to support yourself through an online business then no point in paying both high taxes/living costs as well as deal with deteriorating living conditions.
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I know you want to move to Seattle, but I gotta warn you. Things are not okay here. If you move to places like I know you used to live, you're going to experience the same sorts of things. Capitol Hill is a shitshow now and anywhere that isn't suburban and posh is scary.
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That said, from what I hear, Portland is worse.
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