I’m curious how the “horrified”-choosers feel about themselves and their significant others. It seems to me that understanding = loving in some way, and that superficial admiration is just as it sounds.
Speaking for myself, I generally find finding out about a person means discovering their worst elements. There's a reason they keep those hidden after all.
I usually find that if I understand a 'worst' element, then I love and accept it. If I feel deep judgment of a 'worst' element, then that's a sign I don't understand it.
I don't care about the sex bits for the most part. Those are personal. Unreason and desire to do mayhem, otoh are different, though. Those do real damage. I do know how to handle those, but unreason in particular can be very difficult.