Not wanting people to assume things about you because of your sex does not equal a gender
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That's true.
What does equal a gender is having a gender identity. Which, yes, seems like a really weird thing to those of us whose brains don't do that! But it's a thing some people's brains do. Including quite a few cisgender people's brains.
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What further confuses things is that in trying to figure out *why* they have their gender identity, people often come up with reasons like: not wanting assumptions made about them, or believing they have traits more/less similar to one group than another, and such.
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Gender identity is deeper than any of those things. Some people fit the assumptions and stereotypes of their assigned gender very well, and are very happy in the cultural roles associated with it, and STILL have a strong gender identity that doesn't match.
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I find myself increasingly with your questions asking things akin to well it depends on how you define gender, or sex, or whatever.
That's the problem with almost all these conundrums, is if you don't steelman your opposition you're left with nonsense.
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I was debating LGBT people over a joke and i was called a homophobic over this how noble and by the way phobic is a condition are the LGBT hypocrites need to drink my coffee i forgot what was i talking about 😅.