"I only ever want my spouse," you say, monogamously. This is probably mostly true, but a little bit not true - especially over time. It's very unlikely that over decades of being with someone, you will never experience any sexual/romantic desire for another person. 1/
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Monogamy is so BORING.
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Try celibacy!
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Your outlier case here is sometimes known as 'lazy poly':https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2018/12/18/lazy-poly/ …
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I don't think one is monogamous or polyamorous principally because of agreement. Neither does being one of these states follow from pursuing only one person - or others. Monogamy is independent of agreement. It's cultivating a personhood - [...]
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Specifically one where having sexual desires for others might happen frequently (and if I'm attentive, I can usually spot some sort of sexual aspect in every affinity toward others), yet which are not *fostered* outside of a particular commitment or agreement. [...]
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To have any agreement is to promise not to give in to your feelings. Relationships are implicit agreements, so they’re often hazy, but broadly speaking monogams promise to ignore romantic feelings, while polyams promise to ignore jealousy.
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Simply it's the agreement you will not give into your desires. Of course you have those desires, but the agreement helps move past momentary lust for a more fulfilling long term relationship. Nothing can compare to the intimacy and connection of a long term loving relationship.
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Here's an interesting article about the evolutionary pressures behind monogamy. It's got to do with the male's role in raising offspring. https://scienceillustrated.com.au/blog/culture/the-origin-of-monogamy/ … Baboons are not monogamous, the males don't care for kids and are double the size of females...
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Owl monkeys are monogamous, males are great dads, and are the same size as females. When males are larger than females, it's so they can fight other males. Humans are somewhere in between those extremes.
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Once you go outside of the agreement it's no longer monogamous. If you have an agreed upon 'cheat day' in your relationship, I don't think it meets the definition anymore, either.
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