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Aella_Girl's profile
Aella
Aella
Aella
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@Aella_Girl

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AellaVerified account

@Aella_Girl

whorelord http://aella.hns.to 

Austin
knowingless.com
Joined September 2012

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    1. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

      "I only ever want my spouse," you say, monogamously. This is probably mostly true, but a little bit not true - especially over time. It's very unlikely that over decades of being with someone, you will never experience any sexual/romantic desire for another person. 1/

      12 replies 2 retweets 96 likes
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    2. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

      So let's take this situation and apply 'poly' rules to it. In this marriage, you don't actually agree to stay exclusive, because you know maybe one of you will develop desire in the future. You spend decades functionally monogamous, but one day you experience arousal towards 2/

      1 reply 0 retweets 28 likes
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    3. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

      someone else, and are able to pursue that. Both of these situations look extremely similar - both have natural desire almost exclusively for your partner over long periods of time - but one of them doesn't actually require an agreement. So this throws the term 'monogamous' 3/

      1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
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    4. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

      into confusion for me. Is monogamy an agreement to never give into desire for intimacy outside the relationship? Or is it a natural tendency to only desire your single person? I consider it the agreement. For me, 'monogamy' refers to the rules you operate under, 4/

      1 reply 1 retweet 57 likes
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      Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

      not the 'natural orientation of your desire.' I know this isn't an ideal division - this means that two people who have complete freedom to pursue others but never actually do, would be considered polyamorous! But still it feels much clearer than what we have now.

      2:28 PM - 23 May 2020
      • 1 Retweet
      • 46 Likes
      • Neil Evan McKee Sol (he/him) Nikitas Angeletos Chrysaitis Kevin Kittle dobry Emilio Silva Schlenker Outgroup of Ingroup Buchstabendompteuse
      15 replies 1 retweet 46 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Jesus Alvarado  🇺🇸‏ @ZeusOfOlympus7 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          Monogamy is so BORING.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. Dondoran‏ @Dondoran85 23 May 2020
          Replying to @ZeusOfOlympus7 @Aella_Girl

          Try celibacy! 😁

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        4. End of conversation
        1. Elodes of the Morning Sun‏ @ElodesNL 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          Your outlier case here is sometimes known as 'lazy poly':https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2018/12/18/lazy-poly/ …

          0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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        1. New conversation
        2. Arlyn Culwick‏ @arlynculwick 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          I don't think one is monogamous or polyamorous principally because of agreement. Neither does being one of these states follow from pursuing only one person - or others. Monogamy is independent of agreement. It's cultivating a personhood - [...]

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        3. Arlyn Culwick‏ @arlynculwick 23 May 2020
          Replying to @arlynculwick @Aella_Girl

          Specifically one where having sexual desires for others might happen frequently (and if I'm attentive, I can usually spot some sort of sexual aspect in every affinity toward others), yet which are not *fostered* outside of a particular commitment or agreement. [...]

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
        4. Show replies
        1. Worried Denizen‏ @WorriedDenizen 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          To have any agreement is to promise not to give in to your feelings. Relationships are implicit agreements, so they’re often hazy, but broadly speaking monogams promise to ignore romantic feelings, while polyams promise to ignore jealousy.

          0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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        1. Virgil‏ @VirgilMSW 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          Simply it's the agreement you will not give into your desires. Of course you have those desires, but the agreement helps move past momentary lust for a more fulfilling long term relationship. Nothing can compare to the intimacy and connection of a long term loving relationship.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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        2. Davy LOLden‏ @davydawg 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          Here's an interesting article about the evolutionary pressures behind monogamy. It's got to do with the male's role in raising offspring. https://scienceillustrated.com.au/blog/culture/the-origin-of-monogamy/ … Baboons are not monogamous, the males don't care for kids and are double the size of females...

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. Davy LOLden‏ @davydawg 23 May 2020
          Replying to @davydawg @Aella_Girl

          Owl monkeys are monogamous, males are great dads, and are the same size as females. When males are larger than females, it's so they can fight other males. Humans are somewhere in between those extremes.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        4. End of conversation
        1. good_at_something‏ @currpotion 23 May 2020
          Replying to @Aella_Girl

          Once you go outside of the agreement it's no longer monogamous. If you have an agreed upon 'cheat day' in your relationship, I don't think it meets the definition anymore, either.

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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