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Aella_Girl's profile
Aella
Aella
Aella
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@Aella_Girl

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AellaVerified account

@Aella_Girl

whorelord http://aella.hns.to 

Austin
knowingless.com
Joined September 2012

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    Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

    "I only ever want my spouse," you say, monogamously. This is probably mostly true, but a little bit not true - especially over time. It's very unlikely that over decades of being with someone, you will never experience any sexual/romantic desire for another person. 1/

    2:28 PM - 23 May 2020
    • 2 Retweets
    • 96 Likes
    • tjrwriting 🏗 Neil Håvar K. Brennhagen Soham (সোহম) Piotr Migdal Evan McKee Andres Sebastian Amy Miller Joshua Lelon
    12 replies 2 retweets 96 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

        So let's take this situation and apply 'poly' rules to it. In this marriage, you don't actually agree to stay exclusive, because you know maybe one of you will develop desire in the future. You spend decades functionally monogamous, but one day you experience arousal towards 2/

        1 reply 0 retweets 28 likes
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      3. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

        someone else, and are able to pursue that. Both of these situations look extremely similar - both have natural desire almost exclusively for your partner over long periods of time - but one of them doesn't actually require an agreement. So this throws the term 'monogamous' 3/

        1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
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      4. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

        into confusion for me. Is monogamy an agreement to never give into desire for intimacy outside the relationship? Or is it a natural tendency to only desire your single person? I consider it the agreement. For me, 'monogamy' refers to the rules you operate under, 4/

        1 reply 1 retweet 57 likes
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      5. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 23 May 2020

        not the 'natural orientation of your desire.' I know this isn't an ideal division - this means that two people who have complete freedom to pursue others but never actually do, would be considered polyamorous! But still it feels much clearer than what we have now.

        15 replies 1 retweet 46 likes
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      6. End of conversation
      1. June Ku‏ @metaethical_ai 23 May 2020
        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        I’ve used “de facto monogamy” to refer to something like the natural tendency without the agreement.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. smellosophies‏ @smellosophies 23 May 2020
        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        in my view, monogamy is the conscious, upfront sacrifice of pursuing those inevitable feelings towards others

        2 replies 0 retweets 27 likes
      3. smellosophies‏ @smellosophies 23 May 2020
        Replying to @smellosophies @Aella_Girl

        which in turn signals that you reallllyyy like the person to be willing to give up that future optionality

        1 reply 0 retweets 21 likes
      4. Show replies
      1. Din Glevery‏ @dinglevery 23 May 2020
        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        Humans are absolutely terrible at understanding what we want/will want, even for little things like talking to strangers. For big things like "I only ever want my spouse," we are almost certainly incorrect, esp. on marriage-length time-scales https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/26/744267015/want-to-feel-happier-today-try-talking-to-a-stranger …pic.twitter.com/FmnYP8pw1i

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
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      1. VanChandler‏ @VanChandler10 23 May 2020
        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        This all seems very... defensive. Like you’re trying to justify a way of life that doesn’t need to be justified in the first place.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Beth‏ @buzsherwood 23 May 2020
        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        It’s not necessarily the optimal approach to romantic relationships. I reckon it only ‘works’ if a couple are upfront about the needs it doesn’t satisfy, but it seems relatively successful at fulfilling other needs, but obviously it all depends on desired outcomes/personal needs

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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