Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I very often want to say "yes, actually, that thing you accept as a default in your life is actually borne out of insecurity and fragility", while *also* wanting to convey "insecurity/fragility is absolutely okay; often tolerating it in ourselves is necessary for enjoying life"
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
this mostly comes up when I want to discuss how actually this 'default frame' is truly borne out of insecurity - but it's hard to do that without implying also that the insecurity is bad and you should get rid of it. Like, yes, but get rid of it only if you have room to do so.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@drethelin
Yes! I sort of feel this way about monogamy. A lot of people are monogamous cause it's the only way to keep their partner from leaving them for someone they like better - it's a legitimately insecure situation and it makes sense to feel insecure about it.
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Visa ✈️ NYC (Feb22–Mar13)
@visakanv
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
alan watts had some fantastic riffs on insecurity the problem with "insecurity is bad" is that it tends to come from a place of insecurity as well, so in practice it ends up being "banish all SIGNS of insecurity", which is neurotic and stressful
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ancap4prez 2024 💛/🖤
@the_f_m
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
It's hard to undermine and affirm people at the same time like that in a way that ends well for your relationship. Easier to just go your own way and let them figure it out if they will.