I very often want to say "yes, actually, that thing you accept as a default in your life is actually borne out of insecurity and fragility", while *also* wanting to convey "insecurity/fragility is absolutely okay; often tolerating it in ourselves is necessary for enjoying life"
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this mostly comes up when I want to discuss how actually this 'default frame' is truly borne out of insecurity - but it's hard to do that without implying also that the insecurity is bad and you should get rid of it. Like, yes, but get rid of it only if you have room to do so.
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I often do say "1. it's ok to be a coward! we are all cowards to some degree + 2. cowardice is the bottleneck of almost everything that people are too afraid to be honest about"
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Best way to break down defensiveness in that scenario, I find, is to go into detail about one or two of your own insecure/fragile defaults. That vulnerability goes a long way. Saying “It’s okay to be insecure” without specifics can come off as trite.